I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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