worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
