honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
