just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
