the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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