Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
