It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
