The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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