I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
