a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
