We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
