wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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