there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
