Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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