I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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