Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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