I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
