I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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