So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
