you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
