I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
