Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
