Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
