Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
