I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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