google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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