I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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