he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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