i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
