well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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