So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
