If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
