YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Boobs speak an international language.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
