I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
