I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
