walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My feet surprised me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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