Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
