I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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