So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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