birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
