did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have post one night stand depression
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