I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
