I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
