My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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