you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize