I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We left the knife in your bed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
