How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
