Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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