So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
