Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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