We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
