I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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