So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
