I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
