I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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