so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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