I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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