she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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