dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao