why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??