dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.