whats a polygalesbian?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.