why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.