So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dating After Heartbreak
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar