im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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