My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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