sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
