dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
