Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
