yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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