Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
