he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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