im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
